‘lexistentialism’ is a bi-weekly Monday night newsletter where I share inspiration, epiphanies, and what I'm thinking about that week.
happy new year, everyone!
we’re less than a week into the new year, but I’m sure by now several resolutions have already been abandoned. I don’t mean that in an accusatory or judgemental way; it’s human nature to hold ourselves to impossible standards and then feel shame when we can’t live up to them.
I don’t want to start 2025 by setting myself up for failure, so I only have one resolution this year: to let go of everything that does not serve me. most notably, I’m letting go of the embarrassment that so often accompanies the joys of being alive.
in recent years, the word ‘cringe’ has been used to describe anything and everything. the possibilities are limitless and the rules are constantly changing, which encourages people to suppress their passion. instead, we feign aloofness and sardonicism, but that’s not real.
here’s what’s real, at least for me: I love Taylor Swift and I can recite every word of Wicked from memory. I take touristy photos, even (especially) in my own city. I have no sense of rhythm, but that doesn’t stop me from dancing. I am inherently cringe and very comfortable admitting that, but I wasn’t always.
I wasted a lot of years pretending I didn’t care so I’d seem cooler. I learned early on that it was embarrassing to be excited about anything, especially if it was something people viewed as insignificant (a lot of this coolness criteria has been arbitrarily determined by men, but that’s a discussion for another time).
I’ve often found myself insisting that I like something ‘ironically’ or calling it a ‘guilty pleasure’. now, I firmly believe that there is no such thing. I think if something brings you pleasure, no matter how small, it should be revered and not repressed. there’s nothing shameful about genuine human enthusiasm; if anything, it’s a sign of a life well lived and well loved.
[image description: a cow standing in the ocean, staring out at the water. the caption reads: “I am cringe but I am free.”]
it can be scary to be perceived by others, and even more so in this new age of public performance on social media. every move is scrutinized, every thought up for discussion and mockery from total strangers.
but once you accept the inevitability of cringe, everything softens. the world begins to open up in ways it never did before. you can post a picture of brunch on Instagram, take that selfie on the bus because you look good, sing loudly and badly in all of your concert videos, and none of it matters.
if every small joy needs the public’s green light, you’ll be waiting in traffic forever. leaving your happiness in other people’s hands just means they’ll drop it every time. strangers will think you’re weird or annoying and there will be nothing you can do about it. but if it’s going to happen either way, you might as well let it. dance like no one’s watching — the world won’t end even if they are.
this is the first poetry recommendation of 2025, so I thought it would be fitting to share “Wild Geese”, my favourite piece by the unparalleled Mary Oliver. when the heaviness of rules and expectation becomes too much to hold alone, this poem is always there to carry some of that weight.
none of this is to say our human despair isn’t valid, just that there is freedom in knowing the earth will turn regardless. sometimes we lose sight of the bigger picture when our own little worlds are imploding, but at the end of the day, we are part of a world that does not care if we are cringe, just that we are alive. the rest doesn’t matter.
there is no room for apology or shame in 2025. there is only room for letting the soft animal of my body love what it loves until it no longer can.
cringe and free,
lex
I'm trying my best to embrace passion and stop fearing 'cringe' as well, I loved how you discussed it.
love this lex!! <3